Dream: "Hey, are you alright?"
I lift my head up from a cold wooden surface, open my eyes and take in my surroundings. A man whose jacket is way too large for his slender body is staring me in the face. Eyes intense and concerned, he waves his hand in front of my face making sure I blink a bit. Just above him I see tiny liquor bottles jostle with the room I am in. I look out the window and see foliage and brush whizz by the thick shivering panes of glass. I look back to my left past the concerned man sitting next to me and I see well dressed man with a white rag cleaning saliva off the counter-top. He looks up at me and asks,
"Would you like another one?" I look down at my left hand and find a stout empty glass with elegantly rounded ice-cubes looking for a swim.
"What am I having?"
"Sidecar."
I take in my surroundings one more time,
"Seems quite appropriate, yes please good sir." I reach into my jacket for my wallet but I am halted by an arm from next to me.
"I've got this round fella." I look back to the man in the big jacket,
"Well thank you Mr..."
"Call me Jaimie." I retrieve my arm to reclaim the glass that I had temporarily surrendered.
"Well thank you Jaimie, can I get you anything?"
"No thanks, very thoughtful but I'm working this evening." He looked down at the counter and smiled. I took the first voluptuous sip from my fresh glass and I noticed Jaimie's head was incredibly clean shaven. Besides having an innate tan, he was bald to the point of reflecting light with his noggin, and a chin that could open a mighty can of beans if it needed. No trace of a five, six, or even a seven o'clock shadow. He notices me looking him up and down so I decide to stare back into the abyss of my drink.
I allowed my fingers to skate around the rim of my glass as I let the familiar warm feeling ooze through my body. The laughter of children erupted from just beyond the room. I swiveled my head and glared at the door. Jaimie happened to notice my "subtle" body language,
"Not a fan of kids?" I swivel back to face the bartender.
"Can't stand 'em."
"What do you do for a living?"
"English teacher," I finish my drink.
We soon came to a stop, I got up from the stool, stuffed some bills in the jar on the counter, and nodded the bartender farewell.
"You teach little kids English?!" I glance over at Jaimie and see his eyes have returned to their intense and concerned state.
"Well they're kids with dorm rooms, debt, and beer money if that makes any sense." Jaimie gets up and follows me out of the car.
"So you work at the college here in town?"
"Well I've been hired to start a new course."
"Oh well good luck! I'd chat more but I must use the lavatory."
"It's just as well, I'm heading to the nearest pub." I turn to wave farewell to Jaimie.
"Don't stay out too late now..." I chuckle and thank him for his words of wisdom and the drink. I make my way for the exit as he ducks into the last lavatory.
I saunter off the train and find myself on a series of diverting cobblestone roads, most of them heading up a hill. I follow the only one with a street sign. With a hopeful heart and an empty drinking hand I wondered around the dark bends of the road I had chosen. My legs eventually found my butt a stool at a raucous college bar. My hand was soon fulfilled with a glass with some brown liquid inside it. It was hard to savor the warm liquid with the layers of sound this bar was pumping out. So I got myself two more units of brown liquid and downed them promptly, suddenly I didn't care about the sound that much.
"Hey, you alright buddy?" I lift my head up from a wet wooden surface. I noticed the bar has emptied substantially and the only ones left are sucking the only alcohol left in the place off each others faces. I turned to the barkeep that woke me,
"Why'd you wake me?" She gave me a look and said,
"Your head was lying in a pool of saliva and whiskey. So I wanted to make sure you weren't dead! My apologies! Also that lady you were chattin' up paid me to send you home." I looked towards where the barkeep was pointing and saw a bobbing head of hair disappear behind the bar door. I fumble some bills out of my wallet onto the counter and scramble for the door.
I burst out of the bar exit onto the sullen cobblestones. I see the increasingly bright head of hair accompanied by flashy red pumps turn into an alley. I sprint/stumble to the alley coughing and wheezing the whole way. When I get to the entrance of the alley I stop to catch my breath. I hear a loud crack and a scream ring out into the cold night air. I turn into the alley and see the woman I had been following was in the clutches of a dark figure with a riding crop. A raspy masculine voice cried out,
"What do you mean you don't have all the money now?!" The cracks of the riding crop began again this time with increased frequency. I felt all my muscles tighten with anger and I rushed the dark figure. I brought him to the ground and vice his neck with my hands. Up close I see that I am throttling a rough looking man with a scratchy beard and black pearl eyes. I watched him writhe in desperation as his ocular jewelry trembled at the sight of me. Eventually his body stopped shaking and went limp. I slowly rose and turned to the woman to see if she is alright.
"Hey, you alright?" She says nothing. I bring her into the light of the nearest street lamp.
"Ma'am, are you ok?" The head of hair slowly rises up to meet my eyes. I am greeted by a face covered in bruises and tears, but as I look closer I realize that this is a face I have met before.
"I told you on the train that you shouldn't stay out too late..."
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The Girl on Fire
Preface: You may or may not know that I don't share all the dreams I have, because some are just too personal or I don't feel comfortable sharing them. I have always been reluctant to share this dream mostly because of the latter. Though I have come to a point in my life at which I feel comfortable in finally sharing it.
Dream: I am sitting on the porch of my grandma's house in the middle of an enormous wheat field. I am lying back in a rocking chair. The porch is otherwise vacant and the only thing to look at is the far-stretching field in front of me. The sky is a dark gray but I am almost certain that it's not going to rain. My grandma pushes open the screen door behind me,
"Sam, that wheat isn't going to harvest itself!"
I ease out of the rocking chair with familiarity.
"Yes Nonnie, I'm on it."
I go to the shed at the back of the house and get my scythe. It drags on the dry dirt as I trudge out to the empty space in the wheat field where I left off. As I push through the last few stalks of wheat I see a bright fire in the middle of the clearing I had made yesterday. When I stepped into the clearing my body went rigid, it wasn’t just a fire, it was a girl.
"Miss, are you ok?"
The girl turned to me eyes wide open but with a relaxed poise as if she was waiting for me. The flames crawled up her figure carelessly. She was a sight to behold, she wasn't wearing anything yet the flames seemed to clothe her elegantly. I couldn't believe the girl was still alive let alone standing. She began walking towards me with a calm smile about her face. The ends of her long hair crackled along with the flames on her body. The ground scorched at her every footstep. Eventually she was right in front of me staring right back at the frozen expression on my face. She raised her hand and cupped my face, I winced in anticipation of her fiery hands.
"Please like me."
When I heard her say this I opened my eyes and saw her lips were trembling as if she were about to cry. I quickly gave her a reassuring smile and took her hand.
"Follow me," and I took her to a green hill far beyond my house and the field.
The sky was now draped with night and we laid down on top of the grassy hill looking out over the vast wheat field and my tiny wooden house. No words were spoken, no actions were attempted, we just laid there looking out in contentment. Hours passed until it was so dark that neither of us could see too much farther than what her fire could illuminate. She turned and faced me,
"Let's go home."
I lifted her off the blackened grass and raced down the hill. Despite running into complete darkness with only her light to guide me we laughed the whole way down. When we got back to the house I gently brought her feet back to the ground. I opened the front door and revealed the very simple interior of my grandma's house. The main room was large and contained a bed with gray sheets in the back left corner.
"That's mine, my grandma sleeps in there," I gestured towards a blackened doorway. We look back at each other and see we both trying to hide our weary expressions. We both smile once we realized the situation. So we crawled under the cheap gray sheets and talked until we both fell asleep.
I awoke the next morning cold. A thin wind kept dancing along my back. I turn and see the girl is not in the bed and scorched footprints lead to an open front door. I begin to panic and race through the door and onto the porch. I step out into windy weather. The wheat is swaying back and forth violently with the wind. I follow the black footprints into the field until they turn into a thick black line that stretches out farther than I can see. My lips tremble with emotion,
"Damnit!" I drop to my knees and begin smashing my fists against the blackened earth.
Epilogue: I had this dream when I was about 15 or 16. Over the next few years I would still think about this dream. I'd remember how some portions of it felt as real as the keys I am pressing right now to type this. I can remember spending nights with my fingers crossed, hoping she would visit me again, but she never did.
Dream: I am sitting on the porch of my grandma's house in the middle of an enormous wheat field. I am lying back in a rocking chair. The porch is otherwise vacant and the only thing to look at is the far-stretching field in front of me. The sky is a dark gray but I am almost certain that it's not going to rain. My grandma pushes open the screen door behind me,
"Sam, that wheat isn't going to harvest itself!"
I ease out of the rocking chair with familiarity.
"Yes Nonnie, I'm on it."
I go to the shed at the back of the house and get my scythe. It drags on the dry dirt as I trudge out to the empty space in the wheat field where I left off. As I push through the last few stalks of wheat I see a bright fire in the middle of the clearing I had made yesterday. When I stepped into the clearing my body went rigid, it wasn’t just a fire, it was a girl.
"Miss, are you ok?"
The girl turned to me eyes wide open but with a relaxed poise as if she was waiting for me. The flames crawled up her figure carelessly. She was a sight to behold, she wasn't wearing anything yet the flames seemed to clothe her elegantly. I couldn't believe the girl was still alive let alone standing. She began walking towards me with a calm smile about her face. The ends of her long hair crackled along with the flames on her body. The ground scorched at her every footstep. Eventually she was right in front of me staring right back at the frozen expression on my face. She raised her hand and cupped my face, I winced in anticipation of her fiery hands.
"Please like me."
When I heard her say this I opened my eyes and saw her lips were trembling as if she were about to cry. I quickly gave her a reassuring smile and took her hand.
"Follow me," and I took her to a green hill far beyond my house and the field.
The sky was now draped with night and we laid down on top of the grassy hill looking out over the vast wheat field and my tiny wooden house. No words were spoken, no actions were attempted, we just laid there looking out in contentment. Hours passed until it was so dark that neither of us could see too much farther than what her fire could illuminate. She turned and faced me,
"Let's go home."
I lifted her off the blackened grass and raced down the hill. Despite running into complete darkness with only her light to guide me we laughed the whole way down. When we got back to the house I gently brought her feet back to the ground. I opened the front door and revealed the very simple interior of my grandma's house. The main room was large and contained a bed with gray sheets in the back left corner.
"That's mine, my grandma sleeps in there," I gestured towards a blackened doorway. We look back at each other and see we both trying to hide our weary expressions. We both smile once we realized the situation. So we crawled under the cheap gray sheets and talked until we both fell asleep.
I awoke the next morning cold. A thin wind kept dancing along my back. I turn and see the girl is not in the bed and scorched footprints lead to an open front door. I begin to panic and race through the door and onto the porch. I step out into windy weather. The wheat is swaying back and forth violently with the wind. I follow the black footprints into the field until they turn into a thick black line that stretches out farther than I can see. My lips tremble with emotion,
"Damnit!" I drop to my knees and begin smashing my fists against the blackened earth.
Epilogue: I had this dream when I was about 15 or 16. Over the next few years I would still think about this dream. I'd remember how some portions of it felt as real as the keys I am pressing right now to type this. I can remember spending nights with my fingers crossed, hoping she would visit me again, but she never did.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
A Big Sack of Trouble
Dream: I am walking down a large hallway with blue carpeting. Phones are ringing periodically as I walk by respective cubicles and offices. Faxes are being sent, memos are being read, and interns are jostling around with coffee and uncertainty. I notice the presidential seal on the floor and as I look at it I am interrupted by Toby Ziegler from the television show "The West Wing." He barks, "Hey Sam, walk with me?"
I nod and briskly march down another busy hallway. Toby turns his head to me and asks,
"Are you ready for this morning's press briefing?" I give him an insulted look and respond,
"Of course I'm ready, what do you think I spent last night doing?"
"Choking prostitutes?"
"Actually I was beating homeless people." We exchange smiles.
"You know someone is going to ask about women's rights Sam."
"No they aren't Toby, only low life reporters would want to spin the story that way."
"...Do you know anything about reporters Sam?"
I scoff at Toby and turn a corner to a new hallway. Josh Lyman pokes his head out of his office,
"Hey how was beating the homeless last night?"
"Fantastic as usual Josh." As I get further from his office he shouts,
"They're going to ask about women's rights Sam!"
I make a right down a hallway that I think takes me to my office. As I turn the corner I am greeted by the brunt force of a small young man and sizzling hot coffee on my suit. He looks up at me quivering, spilling apologies out of his mouth in a similar fashion to his coffee spilling skills. I look down at him with lots of anger behind my eyes, but I breath out and just walk away from the intern in hopes I can reach my office without being barraged about women's rights or hot beverages. As my eyes lock on my office door Carol (my secretary) glides alongside me and hands me a sheet of paper and says, "Leo needs you in his office when you have a moment." As I close my office door behind me I check the piece of paper to see what it reads, 'Women's Rights'. I crumple the paper in my hands and shout made up words to the ceiling to get the stress out of my system. I grab a new shirt, jacket, and tie from the closet in my office and head off to Leo's.
As I am let into Leo's office he hangs up the phone and says, "Look I'm not going to say anything because I'm sure you already know."
"Leo, I don't think this morning is going to be a big deal."
"Lets hope that it isn't."
I walk towards the press room taking regular deep breaths. Passing people cheering me on and say encouraging things like "Knock em' dead Sam!" or "Good Luck Sam." I enter the room and camera flashes begin to blind me as I make my way to the podium.
"Good morning everyone, I have a few things to mention and then I'll take a couple questions and then I'm outta here." The press briefing was going smoothly as I had foreseen and I figured it was time to wrap it up. I notified the reporters that I would take one last question.
I gazed into the sea of raised hands and picked a hand that I had seen before. To my surprise my friend Kt was the reporter. She stood up and asked, "Sam, regarding the president's recent visit to Kentucky. Has the president changed his stance on women's rights because of it?"
After asking the question she smirked as if she knew it would irritate me. I could feel hatred coursing through my veins. I began to retort but I just saw red. When I got my vision back the press room had settled substantially and many reporters looked at me jaws dropped. Scared at what I might have just said I ended the press briefing and left swiftly.
My secretary informed me that everyone was waiting for me in the oval office. So I trudged over to the west wing and faced the music. The president and all the chief of staff were there standing very quietly. President Bartlet stared me straight in the eye and asked, "What the hell were you thinking Sam!?" I proceeded to explain what happened and that Kt had set me up. No one cared if I was set up or not, the important thing was to save face. So we began to brainstorm how I could apologize to the women of the world. I kept coming up with different pitches or different wording but everyone would just shake their head. Soon they all began to look at each other and then President Bartlet turned to me.
"Sam, we think there is only one way to show how sorry you are."
"What is that?"
"You are going to have to castrate yourself." I felt an overwhelming horror fill my body.
"Ummm no! Mr. President I love this job but I am not going to castrate myself for it."
"Then we have to ask you to resign."
"No problem, I'll go write up my letter of resignation right now." I left the oval office with anger and disgust oozing from my body.
I find myself in a bar drowning my thoughts with beer and pretzels. I soon see Josh, Toby, and Charlie the president's assistant. They all sit beside me and say how sorry they are to see me go. I assure them that I can find other work and that I am glad I can at least leave with my balls intact. As we talk about politics over some beers Kt sits at my table.
"Sam, I heard you got fired, I'm sorry to hear that."
"What the hell is wrong with you! Why would you ask that question!?"
"It was a legitimate question Sam!"
"It was as legitimate as gay marriage is in Texas!"
Kt punches me across the face. In a fury I see a knife, a fork, a napkin, a bottle of mustard and an empty beer bottle on the table. I reach for the bottle and smash it over her head. She grabs the knife and slashes at my face. I grab the mustard and block the knife and it splits open the bottle. At this point Josh and Toby have restrained me and Charlie is holding Kt back. Things begin to slow down and I'm writhing in anger trying to get at Kt.
I nod and briskly march down another busy hallway. Toby turns his head to me and asks,
"Are you ready for this morning's press briefing?" I give him an insulted look and respond,
"Of course I'm ready, what do you think I spent last night doing?"
"Choking prostitutes?"
"Actually I was beating homeless people." We exchange smiles.
"You know someone is going to ask about women's rights Sam."
"No they aren't Toby, only low life reporters would want to spin the story that way."
"...Do you know anything about reporters Sam?"
I scoff at Toby and turn a corner to a new hallway. Josh Lyman pokes his head out of his office,
"Hey how was beating the homeless last night?"
"Fantastic as usual Josh." As I get further from his office he shouts,
"They're going to ask about women's rights Sam!"
I make a right down a hallway that I think takes me to my office. As I turn the corner I am greeted by the brunt force of a small young man and sizzling hot coffee on my suit. He looks up at me quivering, spilling apologies out of his mouth in a similar fashion to his coffee spilling skills. I look down at him with lots of anger behind my eyes, but I breath out and just walk away from the intern in hopes I can reach my office without being barraged about women's rights or hot beverages. As my eyes lock on my office door Carol (my secretary) glides alongside me and hands me a sheet of paper and says, "Leo needs you in his office when you have a moment." As I close my office door behind me I check the piece of paper to see what it reads, 'Women's Rights'. I crumple the paper in my hands and shout made up words to the ceiling to get the stress out of my system. I grab a new shirt, jacket, and tie from the closet in my office and head off to Leo's.
As I am let into Leo's office he hangs up the phone and says, "Look I'm not going to say anything because I'm sure you already know."
"Leo, I don't think this morning is going to be a big deal."
"Lets hope that it isn't."
I walk towards the press room taking regular deep breaths. Passing people cheering me on and say encouraging things like "Knock em' dead Sam!" or "Good Luck Sam." I enter the room and camera flashes begin to blind me as I make my way to the podium.
"Good morning everyone, I have a few things to mention and then I'll take a couple questions and then I'm outta here." The press briefing was going smoothly as I had foreseen and I figured it was time to wrap it up. I notified the reporters that I would take one last question.
I gazed into the sea of raised hands and picked a hand that I had seen before. To my surprise my friend Kt was the reporter. She stood up and asked, "Sam, regarding the president's recent visit to Kentucky. Has the president changed his stance on women's rights because of it?"
After asking the question she smirked as if she knew it would irritate me. I could feel hatred coursing through my veins. I began to retort but I just saw red. When I got my vision back the press room had settled substantially and many reporters looked at me jaws dropped. Scared at what I might have just said I ended the press briefing and left swiftly.
My secretary informed me that everyone was waiting for me in the oval office. So I trudged over to the west wing and faced the music. The president and all the chief of staff were there standing very quietly. President Bartlet stared me straight in the eye and asked, "What the hell were you thinking Sam!?" I proceeded to explain what happened and that Kt had set me up. No one cared if I was set up or not, the important thing was to save face. So we began to brainstorm how I could apologize to the women of the world. I kept coming up with different pitches or different wording but everyone would just shake their head. Soon they all began to look at each other and then President Bartlet turned to me.
"Sam, we think there is only one way to show how sorry you are."
"What is that?"
"You are going to have to castrate yourself." I felt an overwhelming horror fill my body.
"Ummm no! Mr. President I love this job but I am not going to castrate myself for it."
"Then we have to ask you to resign."
"No problem, I'll go write up my letter of resignation right now." I left the oval office with anger and disgust oozing from my body.
I find myself in a bar drowning my thoughts with beer and pretzels. I soon see Josh, Toby, and Charlie the president's assistant. They all sit beside me and say how sorry they are to see me go. I assure them that I can find other work and that I am glad I can at least leave with my balls intact. As we talk about politics over some beers Kt sits at my table.
"Sam, I heard you got fired, I'm sorry to hear that."
"What the hell is wrong with you! Why would you ask that question!?"
"It was a legitimate question Sam!"
"It was as legitimate as gay marriage is in Texas!"
Kt punches me across the face. In a fury I see a knife, a fork, a napkin, a bottle of mustard and an empty beer bottle on the table. I reach for the bottle and smash it over her head. She grabs the knife and slashes at my face. I grab the mustard and block the knife and it splits open the bottle. At this point Josh and Toby have restrained me and Charlie is holding Kt back. Things begin to slow down and I'm writhing in anger trying to get at Kt.
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