Dream: I am walking down a large hallway with blue carpeting. Phones are ringing periodically as I walk by respective cubicles and offices. Faxes are being sent, memos are being read, and interns are jostling around with coffee and uncertainty. I notice the presidential seal on the floor and as I look at it I am interrupted by Toby Ziegler from the television show "The West Wing." He barks, "Hey Sam, walk with me?"
I nod and briskly march down another busy hallway. Toby turns his head to me and asks,
"Are you ready for this morning's press briefing?" I give him an insulted look and respond,
"Of course I'm ready, what do you think I spent last night doing?"
"Choking prostitutes?"
"Actually I was beating homeless people." We exchange smiles.
"You know someone is going to ask about women's rights Sam."
"No they aren't Toby, only low life reporters would want to spin the story that way."
"...Do you know anything about reporters Sam?"
I scoff at Toby and turn a corner to a new hallway. Josh Lyman pokes his head out of his office,
"Hey how was beating the homeless last night?"
"Fantastic as usual Josh." As I get further from his office he shouts,
"They're going to ask about women's rights Sam!"
I make a right down a hallway that I think takes me to my office. As I turn the corner I am greeted by the brunt force of a small young man and sizzling hot coffee on my suit. He looks up at me quivering, spilling apologies out of his mouth in a similar fashion to his coffee spilling skills. I look down at him with lots of anger behind my eyes, but I breath out and just walk away from the intern in hopes I can reach my office without being barraged about women's rights or hot beverages. As my eyes lock on my office door Carol (my secretary) glides alongside me and hands me a sheet of paper and says, "Leo needs you in his office when you have a moment." As I close my office door behind me I check the piece of paper to see what it reads, 'Women's Rights'. I crumple the paper in my hands and shout made up words to the ceiling to get the stress out of my system. I grab a new shirt, jacket, and tie from the closet in my office and head off to Leo's.
As I am let into Leo's office he hangs up the phone and says, "Look I'm not going to say anything because I'm sure you already know."
"Leo, I don't think this morning is going to be a big deal."
"Lets hope that it isn't."
I walk towards the press room taking regular deep breaths. Passing people cheering me on and say encouraging things like "Knock em' dead Sam!" or "Good Luck Sam." I enter the room and camera flashes begin to blind me as I make my way to the podium.
"Good morning everyone, I have a few things to mention and then I'll take a couple questions and then I'm outta here." The press briefing was going smoothly as I had foreseen and I figured it was time to wrap it up. I notified the reporters that I would take one last question.
I gazed into the sea of raised hands and picked a hand that I had seen before. To my surprise my friend Kt was the reporter. She stood up and asked, "Sam, regarding the president's recent visit to Kentucky. Has the president changed his stance on women's rights because of it?"
After asking the question she smirked as if she knew it would irritate me. I could feel hatred coursing through my veins. I began to retort but I just saw red. When I got my vision back the press room had settled substantially and many reporters looked at me jaws dropped. Scared at what I might have just said I ended the press briefing and left swiftly.
My secretary informed me that everyone was waiting for me in the oval office. So I trudged over to the west wing and faced the music. The president and all the chief of staff were there standing very quietly. President Bartlet stared me straight in the eye and asked, "What the hell were you thinking Sam!?" I proceeded to explain what happened and that Kt had set me up. No one cared if I was set up or not, the important thing was to save face. So we began to brainstorm how I could apologize to the women of the world. I kept coming up with different pitches or different wording but everyone would just shake their head. Soon they all began to look at each other and then President Bartlet turned to me.
"Sam, we think there is only one way to show how sorry you are."
"What is that?"
"You are going to have to castrate yourself." I felt an overwhelming horror fill my body.
"Ummm no! Mr. President I love this job but I am not going to castrate myself for it."
"Then we have to ask you to resign."
"No problem, I'll go write up my letter of resignation right now." I left the oval office with anger and disgust oozing from my body.
I find myself in a bar drowning my thoughts with beer and pretzels. I soon see Josh, Toby, and Charlie the president's assistant. They all sit beside me and say how sorry they are to see me go. I assure them that I can find other work and that I am glad I can at least leave with my balls intact. As we talk about politics over some beers Kt sits at my table.
"Sam, I heard you got fired, I'm sorry to hear that."
"What the hell is wrong with you! Why would you ask that question!?"
"It was a legitimate question Sam!"
"It was as legitimate as gay marriage is in Texas!"
Kt punches me across the face. In a fury I see a knife, a fork, a napkin, a bottle of mustard and an empty beer bottle on the table. I reach for the bottle and smash it over her head. She grabs the knife and slashes at my face. I grab the mustard and block the knife and it splits open the bottle. At this point Josh and Toby have restrained me and Charlie is holding Kt back. Things begin to slow down and I'm writhing in anger trying to get at Kt.
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