"Oh No!"

Preface: I have been busy with a new job so I'm still getting used to the schedule.  But I want to assure you that I still have many dreams that I have yet to retell. 

I find myself walking down a street with familiar houses and lawns ahead of me. I look toward the sky and wince at the bright sun staring back at me. I feel a course, dry surface in my hands. I remember a perfectly square box wrapped in brown paper and tied up with brown string in my clutches. I begin to plod along knowing where this package must go, but I am halted by two voices shortly after I begin my journey—“Hey, Sam! Wait up!"

I turn to see my friends Colin and Chris running to catch up with me. They slow down once they appear by my side and Colin mentions,
"You never told us where we are taking this package." I turn to the road ahead and point down to where there is a thick brush blocking any pedestrian's view of the house above it.
"We just go down this road a bit more and we should get to my Grandma's house shortly."
"Fantastic, let’s get to it," said Colin.

So we begin to gambol down a road I have almost grown up on. I take in the foliage and front yards of neighbor's estates I know so well from visiting my Grandma so often. A cool breeze chills our faces as we trudge down the suburban avenue. We crack jokes and chuckle in the revelry of our own company. I smile and look up towards the sun and feel its warmth compliment my good mood. Colin, though walking behind me, is quite a bit taller than I, so he notices my smiling face absorbing the sun. He looks up towards the bright ball of gas but soon shock and worry drench his face. He stops and slowly tilts his head downwards glaring at his hands—“Oh no..."

These two words are uttered with such terror and weight they might as well have been demons loosened from his mouth. Chris and I turn to Colin because he will not leave the spot where he is stopped. Chris beckons to Colin,
"C'mon buddy we're almost there."
Colin mutters under his breath,
"I forgot it was going to be sunny today..."

Chris and I exchange quick, worried glances. We start towards him to see what is wrong with his hands, but our movements are quickly halted.
"Don't get any closer!" barked Colin. I look at him with his mask of terror staring back at me,
"Colin what’s wrong?" He winces for a moment then tells us sternly,
"RUN!"
Before Chris and I could decide what to do with the situation, thick dark hair erupts from Colin's forearms. Colin looks towards the sky and roars with an unearthly voice. His kind and placid face soon darkens and births a large snout. I’m frozen in place awe struck by this display of horror before me. I feel a forceful tug on my arm and hear Chris say frantically, "Sam let’s get out here! No time for staring!"

Chris and I break away from what used to be our good friend Colin and sprint towards my Grandma's house. I grip the package to my chest to protect my thumping heart. The wind that was once cooling our faces was now working against us as we ran from our transforming friend. I periodically look back to see less and less of the friend I knew. Chris shouted back to me,
"Damnit, Sam! Stop that, it's not going to help him!"

We soon turn into the driveway of my Grandma's house. As we power up the steps to the front door, I could hear the gallop of paws and the panting of the beast getting closer to us. The trees and bushes around the house that I was cherishing earlier had now become insignificant blurs.
Chris attempts to open the door but realizes it’s locked, so he begins elbowing the small panes of glass on the door to gain access.
"Hurry up, he's getting closer!" I shout as I see the dark fur through the bushes in front of the estate. "Shut up, Sam and help me!" Chris barked.

Once Chris shatters enough glass, I point out the latch he needs to undo for the door to open. The paws of the wolf scamper through the front yard's grass and reach the front steps. Still struggling with the door, the wolf lunges for us. I block its jaws with the package and shove it along with the wolf to the side of the porch. Chris pulls me inside the house with him and secures the door after finally gaining access. I see the big monster thrash the box around as I watch to get a glimpse as to what is inside.

Chris shatters my concentration, “Forget the package, Sam!”
I run up the stairs pulling Chris along with me and hide in my Grandpa's study. We lock the door and guard it—panting while trying to stay as quiet as possible. All we can comprehend is the scratching of paws at the front door, constantly breaking down the two inches of wood that keep it from entering.

Occam's Razor Fists

Dream: I'm staring at a thick white tablecloth with gleaming stemware.  Soft relaxing music is playing in the background and I hear the clinking of glass along with the pitter-patter of people's jaws creating small talk.
"Do we have a deal?" 
I break my gaze from the tablecloth and look towards the origin of the voice.  A tan man with brown hair and a sharp goatee is staring back at me.  From the look of the blazer he was wearing I could tell this was a man of money.
"Mr. Davies?"
I didn't know what we were talking about.
"Could you run the major details by me again?"  The man looked back at me insulted as if I wasn't paying attention.
"Ok...well what we are prepared to offer you Mr. Davies is the starring role in the new film ‘Occam's Razor Fists’..." as soon as he said that I started day dreaming at the table of what it would be like to be in an action movie.  The idea was very exciting!  I saw myself with a ripped shirt and pale belly punching through sets and blocking camera flashes as I rushed into buildings.
"...project should take a little over a year."  I snapped out of my thoughts and stared back at the man.
I looked down at my plate and saw I had a healthy serving of contract and a fountain pen lay on the napkin beside it.
"Give me a moment to think about this." 

I got up from the table and walked towards the kitchen's double door entrance.  I walked past round white tables with smiling patrons chewing and sipping their meals.  While I looked around I began to realize how massive this dining room was.  I closed in on the double doors that were leaking delicious fumes from its crevices.

I eased my way through the right door so I wouldn't crash into the whites of any staff.  I found a corner of the kitchen where I would be out of the way.  I looked by the counter tops and line workers for someone but I couldn't spot him.  Luckily I spotted the Sous Chef,
"Lisa! Have you seen Edward?"  A face emerged from a counter top accompanied by blond hair and a white skull cap.  She smiled and gestured towards the back door,
"He's probably out back by cigarette mountain." I looked towards a lonely green door.  I thanked Lisa with a hand wave and made for the back.

On the other side of the door I was greeted by overflowing garbage bins and some steps that lead to a back parking lot.  Sitting on the steps by a monument to tobacco companies was a man in chef whites and a bandanna.
"Edward, there you are!"
A man massaging his brow looked up at me. 
"Not a great time Sam," he said as he looked back down to the stairs.
"I just wanted you to have these."  I reach into my back pocket and pull out my expensive headphones.  Widened eyes greeted my gift and Edward gasped,
"You can't give me these it's not that simple." 
"Yes it is." 

I leave them in his hands and head back into the kitchen.  I scoot around hustling cooks, and duck out of the way of hot skillets.  When I emerge back into the dining room a few things had changed.  In the center of the dining room there was live piano music next to a bar which seemed to be made of glass.  As I walked back to my table I noticed more diners than I did before.  Some of my neighbors that I had known all my life wave to me from different tables.  I hear a voice from a distant table to the left of me say,
"Looking snazzy Sam!"  I look down at myself and I'm wearing a white suit with pristine jacket buttons.  With my new threads I swagger over to my table and pick up the pen.  I look at my dinner companion and start scribbling my name on the paper,
"Lets do this!"

The man picked up the papers and quickly shoved them into a manila envelope.  He shouted back to me from the table as I walked towards the bar,
"You won't regret this sir!"
I wink back at him and walk to the rhythm of the piano to the bar.  As I approach the thick glass I notice there is one patron stashing a cocktail napkin into his suit as he waves farewell to a women in a slick cocktail dress.  He swivels his stool back towards the barkeep and he breathes in with satisfaction.  With his profile now available to my eyes I notice it is my friend Paul.  I saddle up next to him at the bar,
"She looks nice," he turns to me.
"Damnation! How's it going Sam?" I wave the bartender over and ask him to craft me a drink.  "Just recently a lot better Paul...a lot better," I take a sip of my amber cocktail.
"You should join me and Joe, we were just grabbing a bite to eat," Paul then directs me to a table in the corner. 

Waiting for me at the table was my old professor and good friend Joe.
"Hot dog it's Sam! I didn't know you ate here."
"I actually used to work here, but I finally got a job in this movi..." A sharp pain erupts from my back and I soar over the table and hit the wall. 

I get to my feet and dust my jacket off.  On the opposing side of the table a back waiter with a pencil thin mustache slowly retracted a fist and returned to a fighting pose.  I looked about for a weapon nearby.  I eventually saw my broken highball glass on the floor.  My fists tightened and I quickly flipped our table onto the waiter.  Joe still in his chair looks me up and down.  Patrons gasp at the sight, and blood begins to leak out from under the table.  A loud amplified voice emerges from above me,
"Alright cut! Can we run that scene back from where he is about to sit down with Joe?"

Occupational Hazard

Dream: "Hey, are you alright?"
I lift my head up from a cold wooden surface, open my eyes and take in my surroundings.  A man whose jacket is way too large for his slender body is staring me in the face.  Eyes intense and concerned, he waves his hand in front of my face making sure I blink a bit.  Just above him I see tiny liquor bottles jostle with the room I am in.  I look out the window and see foliage and brush whizz by the thick shivering panes of glass.  I look back to my left past the concerned man sitting next to me and I see well dressed man with a white rag cleaning saliva off the counter-top.  He looks up at me and asks,
"Would you like another one?"  I look down at my left hand and find a stout empty glass with elegantly rounded ice-cubes looking for a swim.
"What am I having?"
"Sidecar."
I take in my surroundings one more time,
"Seems quite appropriate, yes please good sir." I reach into my jacket for my wallet but I am halted by an arm from next to me.
"I've got this round fella."  I look back to the man in the big jacket,
"Well thank you Mr..."
"Call me Jaimie." I retrieve my arm to reclaim the glass that I had temporarily surrendered.
"Well thank you Jaimie, can I get you anything?"
"No thanks, very thoughtful but I'm working this evening."  He looked down at the counter and smiled. I took the first voluptuous sip from my fresh glass and I noticed Jaimie's head was incredibly clean shaven.  Besides having an innate tan, he was bald to the point of reflecting light with his noggin, and a chin that could open a mighty can of beans if it needed.  No trace of a five, six, or even a seven o'clock shadow.  He notices me looking him up and down so I decide to stare back into the abyss of my drink.

I allowed my fingers to skate around the rim of my glass as I let the familiar warm feeling ooze through my body.  The laughter of children erupted from just beyond the room.  I swiveled my head and glared at the door.  Jaimie happened to notice my "subtle" body language,
"Not a fan of kids?" I swivel back to face the bartender.
"Can't stand 'em."
"What do you do for a living?"
"English teacher," I finish my drink.

We soon came to a stop, I got up from the stool, stuffed some bills in the jar on the counter, and nodded the bartender farewell.
"You teach little kids English?!" I glance over at Jaimie and see his eyes have returned to their intense and concerned state.
"Well they're kids with dorm rooms, debt, and beer money if that makes any sense."  Jaimie gets up and follows me out of the car.
"So you work at the college here in town?"
"Well I've been hired to start a new course."
"Oh well good luck! I'd chat more but I must use the lavatory."
"It's just as well, I'm heading to the nearest pub."  I turn to wave farewell to Jaimie.
"Don't stay out too late now..." I chuckle and thank him for his words of wisdom and the drink.  I make my way for the exit as he ducks into the last lavatory.

I saunter off the train and find myself on a series of diverting cobblestone roads, most of them heading up a hill.  I follow the only one with a street sign.  With a hopeful heart and an empty drinking hand I wondered around the dark bends of the road I had chosen.  My legs eventually found my butt a stool at a raucous college bar.  My hand was soon fulfilled with a glass with some brown liquid inside it.  It was hard to savor the warm liquid with the layers of sound this bar was pumping out.  So I got myself two more units of brown liquid and downed them promptly, suddenly I didn't care about the sound that much.

"Hey, you alright buddy?"  I lift my head up from a wet wooden surface.  I noticed the bar has emptied substantially and the only ones left are sucking the only alcohol left in the place off each others faces.  I turned to the barkeep that woke me,
"Why'd you wake me?"  She gave me a look and said,
"Your head was lying in a pool of saliva and whiskey.  So I wanted to make sure you weren't dead! My apologies! Also that lady you were chattin' up paid me to send you home."  I looked towards where the barkeep was pointing and saw a bobbing head of hair disappear behind the bar door.  I fumble some bills out of my wallet onto the counter and scramble for the door.

I burst out of the bar exit onto the sullen cobblestones.  I see the increasingly bright head of hair accompanied by flashy red pumps turn into an alley.  I sprint/stumble to the alley coughing and wheezing the whole way.  When I get to the entrance of the alley I stop to catch my breath.  I hear a loud crack and a scream ring out into the cold night air.  I turn into the alley and see the woman I had been following was in the clutches of a dark figure with a riding crop.  A raspy masculine voice cried out,
"What do you mean you don't have all the money now?!" The cracks of the riding crop began again this time with increased frequency.  I felt all my muscles tighten with anger and I rushed the dark figure.  I brought him to the ground and vice his neck with my hands.  Up close I see that I am throttling a rough looking man with a scratchy beard and black pearl eyes. I watched him writhe in desperation as his ocular jewelry trembled at the sight of me.  Eventually his body stopped shaking and went limp.  I slowly rose and turned to the woman to see if she is alright.
"Hey, you alright?"  She says nothing.  I bring her into the light of the nearest street lamp.
"Ma'am, are you ok?"  The head of hair slowly rises up to meet my eyes.  I am greeted by a face covered in bruises and tears, but as I look closer I realize that this is a face I have met before. 
"I told you on the train that you shouldn't stay out too late..."

The Girl on Fire

Preface: You may or may not know that I don't share all the dreams I have, because some are just too personal or I don't feel comfortable sharing them.  I have always been reluctant to share this dream mostly because of the latter.  Though I have come to a point in my life at which I feel comfortable in finally sharing it.   

Dream: I am sitting on the porch of my grandma's house in the middle of an enormous wheat field.  I am lying back in a rocking chair.  The porch is otherwise vacant and the only thing to look at is the far-stretching field in front of me.  The sky is a dark gray but I am almost certain that it's not going to rain.  My grandma pushes open the screen door behind me,
"Sam, that wheat isn't going to harvest itself!"
I ease out of the rocking chair with familiarity.
"Yes Nonnie, I'm on it."
I go to the shed at the back of the house and get my scythe.  It drags on the dry dirt as I trudge out to the empty space in the wheat field where I left off.  As I push through the last few stalks of wheat I see a bright fire in the middle of the clearing I had made yesterday.  When I stepped into the clearing my body went rigid, it wasn’t just a fire, it was a girl.
"Miss, are you ok?"
The girl turned to me eyes wide open but with a relaxed poise as if she was waiting for me.  The flames crawled up her figure carelessly.  She was a sight to behold, she wasn't wearing anything yet the flames seemed to clothe her elegantly.  I couldn't believe the girl was still alive let alone standing.  She began walking towards me with a calm smile about her face.  The ends of her long hair crackled along with the flames on her body.  The ground scorched at her every footstep.  Eventually she was right in front of me staring right back at the frozen expression on my face.  She raised her hand and cupped my face, I winced in anticipation of her fiery hands.
"Please like me."
When I heard her say this I opened my eyes and saw her lips were trembling as if she were about to cry.  I quickly gave her a reassuring smile and took her hand.
"Follow me," and I took her to a green hill far beyond my house and the field.

The sky was now draped with night and we laid down on top of the grassy hill looking out over the vast wheat field and my tiny wooden house.  No words were spoken, no actions were attempted, we just laid there looking out in contentment.  Hours passed until it was so dark that neither of us could see too much farther than what her fire could illuminate.  She turned and faced me,
"Let's go home."
I lifted her off the blackened grass and raced down the hill.  Despite running into complete darkness with only her light to guide me we laughed the whole way down.  When we got back to the house I gently brought her feet back to the ground.  I opened the front door and revealed the very simple interior of my grandma's house.  The main room was large and contained a bed with gray sheets in the back left corner.
"That's mine, my grandma sleeps in there," I gestured towards a blackened doorway.  We look back at each other and see we both trying to hide our weary expressions.  We both smile once we realized the situation.  So we crawled under the cheap gray sheets and talked until we both fell asleep.

I awoke the next morning cold.  A thin wind kept dancing along my back.  I turn and see the girl is not in the bed and scorched footprints lead to an open front door.  I begin to panic and race through the door and onto the porch.  I step out into windy weather.  The wheat is swaying back and forth violently with the wind.  I follow the black footprints into the field until they turn into a thick black line that stretches out farther than I can see.  My lips tremble with emotion,
"Damnit!" I drop to my knees and begin smashing my fists against the blackened earth.

Epilogue: I had this dream when I was about 15 or 16.  Over the next few years I would still think about this dream.  I'd remember how some portions of it felt as real as the keys I am pressing right now to type this. I can remember spending nights with my fingers crossed, hoping she would visit me again, but she never did.

A Big Sack of Trouble

Dream: I am walking down a large hallway with blue carpeting. Phones are ringing periodically as I walk by respective cubicles and offices. Faxes are being sent, memos are being read, and interns are jostling around with coffee and uncertainty. I notice the presidential seal on the floor and as I look at it I am interrupted by Toby Ziegler from the television show "The West Wing." He barks, "Hey Sam, walk with me?"
I nod and briskly march down another busy hallway. Toby turns his head to me and asks,
"Are you ready for this morning's press briefing?" I give him an insulted look and respond,
"Of course I'm ready, what do you think I spent last night doing?"
"Choking prostitutes?"
"Actually I was beating homeless people." We exchange smiles.
"You know someone is going to ask about women's rights Sam."
"No they aren't Toby, only low life reporters would want to spin the story that way."
"...Do you know anything about reporters Sam?"

I scoff at Toby and turn a corner to a new hallway. Josh Lyman pokes his head out of his office,
"Hey how was beating the homeless last night?"
"Fantastic as usual Josh." As I get further from his office he shouts,
"They're going to ask about women's rights Sam!"
I make a right down a hallway that I think takes me to my office. As I turn the corner I am greeted by the brunt force of a small young man and sizzling hot coffee on my suit. He looks up at me quivering, spilling apologies out of his mouth in a similar fashion to his coffee spilling skills. I look down at him with lots of anger behind my eyes, but I breath out and just walk away from the intern in hopes I can reach my office without being barraged about women's rights or hot beverages. As my eyes lock on my office door Carol (my secretary) glides alongside me and hands me a sheet of paper and says, "Leo needs you in his office when you have a moment." As I close my office door behind me I check the piece of paper to see what it reads, 'Women's Rights'. I crumple the paper in my hands and shout made up words to the ceiling to get the stress out of my system. I grab a new shirt, jacket, and tie from the closet in my office and head off to Leo's.

As I am let into Leo's office he hangs up the phone and says, "Look I'm not going to say anything because I'm sure you already know."
"Leo, I don't think this morning is going to be a big deal."
"Lets hope that it isn't."

I walk towards the press room taking regular deep breaths. Passing people cheering me on and say encouraging things like "Knock em' dead Sam!" or "Good Luck Sam." I enter the room and camera flashes begin to blind me as I make my way to the podium.
"Good morning everyone, I have a few things to mention and then I'll take a couple questions and then I'm outta here." The press briefing was going smoothly as I had foreseen and I figured it was time to wrap it up. I notified the reporters that I would take one last question.
I gazed into the sea of raised hands and picked a hand that I had seen before. To my surprise my friend Kt was the reporter. She stood up and asked, "Sam, regarding the president's recent visit to Kentucky. Has the president changed his stance on women's rights because of it?"
After asking the question she smirked as if she knew it would irritate me. I could feel hatred coursing through my veins. I began to retort but I just saw red. When I got my vision back the press room had settled substantially and many reporters looked at me jaws dropped. Scared at what I might have just said I ended the press briefing and left swiftly.

My secretary informed me that everyone was waiting for me in the oval office. So I trudged over to the west wing and faced the music. The president and all the chief of staff were there standing very quietly. President Bartlet stared me straight in the eye and asked, "What the hell were you thinking Sam!?" I proceeded to explain what happened and that Kt had set me up. No one cared if I was set up or not, the important thing was to save face. So we began to brainstorm how I could apologize to the women of the world. I kept coming up with different pitches or different wording but everyone would just shake their head. Soon they all began to look at each other and then President Bartlet turned to me.
"Sam, we think there is only one way to show how sorry you are."
"What is that?"
"You are going to have to castrate yourself." I felt an overwhelming horror fill my body.
"Ummm no! Mr. President I love this job but I am not going to castrate myself for it."
"Then we have to ask you to resign."
"No problem, I'll go write up my letter of resignation right now." I left the oval office with anger and disgust oozing from my body.

I find myself in a bar drowning my thoughts with beer and pretzels. I soon see Josh, Toby, and Charlie the president's assistant. They all sit beside me and say how sorry they are to see me go. I assure them that I can find other work and that I am glad I can at least leave with my balls intact. As we talk about politics over some beers Kt sits at my table.
"Sam, I heard you got fired, I'm sorry to hear that."
"What the hell is wrong with you! Why would you ask that question!?"
"It was a legitimate question Sam!"
"It was as legitimate as gay marriage is in Texas!"
Kt punches me across the face. In a fury I see a knife, a fork, a napkin, a bottle of mustard and an empty beer bottle on the table. I reach for the bottle and smash it over her head. She grabs the knife and slashes at my face. I grab the mustard and block the knife and it splits open the bottle. At this point Josh and Toby have restrained me and Charlie is holding Kt back. Things begin to slow down and I'm writhing in anger trying to get at Kt.

Sweet Relief

Preface: I had this dream when I was in elementary school. It is unique because I have yet to replicate what I accomplished in it, and its not for lack of trying...

Dream: I am walking the streets of Croton-on-Hudson. I am in my pajama bottoms and t-shirt. I seem to be walking out of town down Maple street. I pass the avenue that takes me to school and head towards the busy back roads past Teatown Road. I don't walk very fast because I am barefoot.

As I carefully step alongside the road trying to avoid the sharpest of the rocks, I notice that no cars have driven by me. I pluck a piece of gravel out of my heel and toss the thought aside. I pass a few more houses that have no activity inside them. I look down at my pajama pants,
"Why am I wearing pajamas? I hate these things, plus they are far too short, and it's the afternoon!" I continue to walk up the road towards the dam entrance and beyond that would be a bend in the road that leads to a construction site. I look behind me to see if any cars are coming down the road, nothing...

I stand in the middle of the street and do a childish jig on the yellow lines. I look up and down the road ecstatic at the fact that I can play in the middle of it. I lied down on the road and rolled around thinking to myself how mad my mother would be if she saw me doing this. After a sufficient amounting on rolling and gravel angels I pressed my cheek against the asphalt. Appreciating the warmth the road had absorbed while baking in the heat of the afternoon. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the canopy of leaves shielding the majority of sunlight from the ground.

My moment of splendor was soon interrupted by what sounded like a helicopter. I stood up and looked around for the source. Huge waves of wind splashed loose gravel at my face. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. The tide of winds was soon ended by a loud "Thud" noise, the ground shook and shivered. I slowly opened my eyes to see what had happened. As my fingers drifted away from the front of my face I was greeted by a large cartoon dragon. It was yellow and green and was rather tubby. With child-like look about his face he barked,
"Hoi Sam! How are Yoooou!" It then let out a chuckle similar to Goofy's from the Mickey Mouse Cartoons.

It waited for a response, my body was frozen with fear because its snout was about five feet from me. I breathed deeply in and out as it stared at me blankly. It tilted its head sort of gesturing me to answer with something.
"Demon Cartoon!" I shouted hoping some adult I had not seen would hear me. I put my arms in the air and ran in the opposite direction of the dragon. As I distanced myself from the monstrosity the sound and shake of footsteps told me the dragon was following me.
"Wait I just want to be your friend!" This was followed by another creepy Goofy chuckle. I started looking frantically for a way to rid myself of my new found terrifying companion. As my feet mutilated themselves running on the sharp rocks of the road I noticed the entrance to the top of the dam. I made my way to the right of the road in preparation to getting on the path for the dam.
"Please don't run Sam, I have lollipops!" I cringed as my feet and my mind were being slowly eroded from the road and the dragon's words. I shouted back to the dragon,
"If you knew anything you'd know I hate lollipops!" I finally got into a clearing that lead straight to the top of the dam. My legs powered over the overgrown roots and large clumps of dirt that were along the way. But whilst traversing the wilderness towards the dam I had a series of ideas that made me stop dead in my tracks.
"Talking tubby yellow green dragons don't exist, no one is driving on the road, I hate my pajamas...I'm dreaming!"

Large yellow feet crashed through the ceiling of branches.
"Oh now you've made Trenton the Dragon very upset Sam!" The dragon's eyes started to become blood-shot. I looked at the whole of the beast and the more I thought about it the more the dragon started to look like Bowser from 'Super Mario 64'. I backpedaled away from Trenton and onto the top of the dam. Trenton slowly marched towards me breathing fire into the air and shouting,
"YOU COULD HAVE HAD SO MANY LOLLIPOPS!" I found myself backed against the balcony that looked out over the park in front of the dam. I looked straight down and saw the great fall that led to the base of the dam. I remembered that I was dreaming and looked back at the fall and smiled. I turned my gaze to Trenton and waved him farewell.
"Nooo! Don't do that!" Trenton tried to grab me but I had already stretched my arms out and let my body fall back. Rushing air cooled my face as I watched the cobblestones on the dam wall rush past the top of my vision. My ears caught one more thing before I hit the watery rocks below,
"Noo Sam! Peach Schnappes Lollipops! Nooo!!!"
At the time I had no clue what he was talking about. It didn't matter though because it had never felt so good to fall so far.

Wolf At The Door

Preface: I started recording and talking about my dreams on a regular basis because of ones like this.

Dream: I am in a rickety house made out of mostly driftwood. I have a large book in my hand and I know that I have to give it to a scholarly man that is outside the house. I look out the only window in the room to see periodic lightening flashing out across the night sky. I look down at the book in my hands and decide I need to get to the man. I discover only one door on the opposite side of the room. As I slowly approach the door it shakes and loud barks can be heard on the other side of the door. I look through a hole close to the knob on the door. A large wolf spots me and slams against the door in an attempt to bite me. I back away from the door and begin to freak out.

To calm myself I try and think out loud,
"Ok, Sam relax just think."
The door's shaking became more and more intense with each new slam of the wolf.
"Think Sam! Think!"
I could only come up with one plan and it was very risky but I had to deliver the book. I went back to the door and swung it open! I watched the wolf leap into the room this allowed me a couple seconds head start, I then promptly went through the doorway and closed the door, my heart was banging against my chest to be let out. I started to run frantically away from the door and down a long staircase. About a quarter way down the staircase I hear shattering and the splintering of wood, the wolf had burst through the door. I look behind me and the wolf is galloping down the stairs towards me. I run as fast as I can down the steps but the book is heavy and I can't drop it. I get about 7 steps away from the door and I suddenly feel a vice of teeth crunch into my left hand. I scream into the stormy night and turn my head towards the wolf. I look at the dogs menacing face in my hand and swell with anger. I begin slamming the book on the wolf's head, his loosened his grip on my hand and eventually I managed to shove the wolf off me. I get to the door and get myself through it as fast as I can. I close it behind me and lie against it to catch my breath. I look at the bitten hand and it's a mess of bone, cartilage, and puss. I look in front of me and there is a man in a nice suit holding an umbrella over his head to stay dry. I look at his face and my eyes are greeted with a wide smile.

...I wake up.
I lunge forward in my bed breathing heavily and sweating profusely. I look over at the other bed in my room to find Chris just waking up(I had let him sleep here the night before). "Oh My God Tex! (Nickname, guess where he is from) You won't believe this dream I just had."
Chris looks up at me, his face shows that he is still pretty groggy. My body feels kind of weird and I am a little dizzy. I explain to Chris about the book, the wolf, and the dude with the umbrella.
"That's great Sam." Chris clearly uninterested gets toiletries out from his bag.
"But Tex I don't think it was a dream I think I got rabies!" Chris rolls his eyes and continues to get ready for the day.
I couldn't understand why Chris wasn't interested, he loved talking about terrifying encounters with animals. He often creates hypothetical situations about fighting animals and would bring it up for discussion with groups of people. I reached for a mug on my desk and saw teeth marks on my left hand.
"Christopher! Look at this! Look at these teeth marks!" I shove my left hand into his field of vision.
"Ehh you're probably fine Sam, look can we just talk about something more interesting?
"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU CHRIS?!"
...I really wake up.

A Felicia Day

Preface: This dream happened very recently and thought it should be shared sooner rather than later. Like 99% of my dreams I don't know what this says about me or my sub-conscious...anyway here we go.

Dream: I am at work and I am sweeping the floor trying to make the place look presentable. I glance outside and see it is pouring rain, I relish the fact that I am in an carefully monitored air-conditioned business. I stare back down at my work and finish the floor. As I am putting the dust pan away the entrance bell in the front of the store rang. I look up to see Felicia Day closing up a sopping wet umbrella. I am quite puzzled with her appearance at the shop but I decided 'Why question it?' I shove the dustpan in its place and close the water closet.
"Can I help you?"
I try to ask this as friendly and unassuming as possible. She gives me an odd look and responds,
"Umm ya, you can stop treating me like a customer whenever I enter the store. Lets fix the back shelves first they need the most attention."
I nod slightly and head down to the cellar to bring up some Spanish and Sparkling wine. As we shifted and rotated bottles into appropriate spots on the shelves Felicia looked at me and asked,
"How has business been lately?"
"Ehhh, kind of slow mostly because no one wants wine shipped to them because of the hot weather."
She sighed and continued to stock shelves. I decided to address the question in my mind.

"I'm sorry this may seem weird to you but I didn't know you worked here. You also seem a little bit familiar with me but I've never met you before so I am little lost here."
She seemed very amused by my statement. She finished unloading the last case that I had brought up and said,
"Look I don't work here that often I get called in every now and again to help out. I know you because Kevin(My Boss) told me that you would be working here today. He gave me a little description of what you were like."
"Oh..."
I said this as if someone had just explained the answer to a math problem to me. I felt very deflated after this explanation, but decided to make the best of the situation.

The day began to slip away with small tasks that needed to be done around the shop. During which time we swapped stories, and learned a little bit about each other. I found myself thinking 'Wow I didn't know how much she loves quality chairs...go figure."
I was sitting at the front counter of the shop to take a breath and looked out on the evening streets. Felicia was turning off lights and closing the cellar in the back. She eventually made her way to the front and said,
"Alright its been dead all day! We're closing early and getting out of here!"
My face lit up in excitement at the thought of leaving work early.
"Sweet!" I hopped out of my chair and made my way to leave. But as I was about to push the door open to leave,
"Hey Sam?"
I turned to Felicia to see her looking a little desperate for help.
"Can you drop me off at school?" Her hands wringing the strap on her purse in anticipation.
"It's 6:45 in the evening, what school are you going to?"
"Night School"
"Oh, well that's rather obvious." I felt like a total idiot for asking.
"It won't take long, its this 15 minute course I take every week and it gets me 3 credits." A chicken 'BAGOK' rings in my head. A 15 minute course that gets you 3 credits? I had to see this for myself.
"Alright I've got to see this for myself, but I gotta stop at my house first."
"What do you have to do at your house?" I didn't want her to know why because I didn't want to admit that I was a little star-struck.
"I gotta feed the cat!"

We soon pull up to the house,
"I'll be right back." I sprint inside the house and nearly trip over the cat. I grab the dry cat food and throw it in the air hoping some will hit the cat's bowl so I can feel like I didn't lie. I power up the stairs to my laptop. I got on the tubes (internet) and wrote my status as casually as possible.

"Hangin' with Felcia Day."

I laid back in my chair with a large grin on my face thinking, 'Andrew will be sooo jealous!'
I soon remembered that I had left her in the car so I rushed back downstairs. When I exited the house I casually walked back up to the car and thanked her for waiting.

So we are meandering down a local road in a blue sedan. She points to a corner at an intersection,
"It's right here!" I pull into a metered spot knowing that its way past 6. The streets are empty and the sky is pitch black. The only light sources are the street lamps. We get out of the car and I stare up at a big box-shaped building with a large concrete sign in front of it with large rectangular buttons. Using my 20/16 vision I also noticed that each button had a large letter from the alphabet on it. The sign looked something like this:

X B F G
L E T Y
P O M U

I looked over at Felicia who had grasped her chin in thought. She stared for a long while and eventually said,
"I can never remember the buttons I have to push on this thing."
"Well how many buttons do you have to push?"
"Two."
"Maybe they are initials for the headmast-" Felicia's face lit up with excitement.
"Oh my, I just remembered...duh! It's E & M, Easy Mode, its so obvious now!" She pressed her hands on each rectangular button. The buttons lit up in a light green hue and the sign slowly lowered.
"Hold onto my purse." I turned to her and gave her a look of total misunderstanding.
"Just do it." As my left hand grasped the strap of the purse I noticed that where the sign had lowered a large tube was being raised in its place. Felicia and I both stared at the monstrous tubing apparatus and whispered,
"Whoa..."
No sooner did we say that we were whisked off into the abyss of the tube. It was as if we were falling horizontally. The inside of the tubing soon turned to gray and white stripes. I could hear an evil laugh towards the end of the tunnel. At this point I was strangling the purse strap because I didn't know what else to do.

We eventually land in what looks like a damp basement. I dust myself and check for bruises and we both seem alright. Felicia looks to her left down a very dark hallway and says,
"Oh okay its just down here, I'll be back in a bit." She walks calmly into the blackness and all I can hear are her distancing footsteps. I see some stone steps and sit there and play with my phone while I wait. After staring into the screen of my phone for a bit I hear,
"You think you are so cool don't you?!" I look around the stone basement for the source of this condescending Italian accented voice.
"You think you are so cool just because you have multiple cells!" I start to panic and swivel my head frantically around looking at the ceiling and at doorways but I can't spot a thing!
"Ehhh you with the face! Right in front of ya!" I straighten my head and sure enough in front of me on the other side of the basement was a bench with 3 large blobs sitting on it. I don't say anything I just stare blankly at them, which was probably a bad idea.
"What you never seen Amoeba before?!" I didn’t want any trouble so I tried to diffuse the situation.
"Look I'm just waiting for someone."
"What are you some important guy that thinks multiple suns shine out his..." This went on for quite sometime. Soon his buddies joined in hollering at me and saying things like, biped, hair grower, and sexual reproducer. All in all, not the best insults but it was still annoying. Eventually Felicia emerged from the blackness on the left. So I shouted over the Amoeba,
"Let's boogie out of here!" She shrugged her shoulders and began to salsa up the stairs that led out. We arrived back by the blue sedan and I asked,
"What were you learning in there?"
"Japanese."
"Oh, need a ride home?"
"No, I can walk from here."
I drove home feeling exhausted and trudged upstairs and collapsed into bed.

...I wake up. I look around unsure, I leap out of bed and check facebook for the status I wrote. I go back to bed...disappointed.

You Wanna Go?!

Dream: I am in a cafeteria that looks a lot like the one from college. My friends Andrew and Tex are sitting eating lunch with me. I gaze outside and see a large red desert landscape. I feel something in my hand and discover that I am holding a clump of red dust. So naturally I line up the dust on the lunch table and position myself to snort it. As I am going through the last line Andrew looks up from his food and discovers what I am doing.
"Sam don't snort that you'll trip mad balls!" Of course as he said that I finished the last of the red dust. I looked at Andrew's worried face and started to get nervous. Andrew's face soon breaks into many triangles that rotate round and round. The cafeteria floor's texture feels more like a slushy ocean than a concrete floor, I grip my seat tightly in terror. My view of the dream pans out and Andrew and Tex decide that lunch is done and it was time to go. They put their trays on the washing conveyor belt and help me do the same. As they begin to guide me out of the cafeteria the three of us bump into these three broad shouldered aliens wearing sport uniforms. They seemed almost like cartoon characters. They had biceps the size of tree trunks, but their legs were like sticks. I wonder if they used steroids or something. Before I could ask the middle one grunted and showed he was angered by our slight bump. Eventually his tiny mouth bellowed,
"Hey watch where your going!" Tex swells with adrenaline and gets in the aliens face.
"YOU WANNA GO?!" The aliens don’t hesitate in the slightest, they roll up their sleeves and get in fighting stances. Andrew and Tex put up their fists and I decide to do a Jackie Chan drunken master pose. Though it is hard to maintain due to the waves that keep shifting my feet. The fight breaks out and I collapse almost instantly, I watch a blur of fists and legs as the waves gently carry me to the garbage cans. I try to keep my eyes open but the fighting combine with the fact that none of them were in one shape anymore I couldn’t handle it and passed out.

I am awoken by Andrew and Tex, I’m not sure how much time has passed but they both have substantial bruises all over them. Despite the obvious markers I dared to ask,
"How'd we do?" They roll their eyes and hoist me up from the floor which was a easier to handle because the floor seemed to be at low-tide. The three of us trudged to a pulley elevator at the end of the cafeteria. We stood on the platform and many squeaks emitted from the pulley system as we began to descend. While we were being lowered I could see the red desert floor slowly approaching, but one thing that made it different was over the vast landscape their were periodic sightings of picnic tables. I guess they were for tired travelers who enjoyed dining on wooden planks. When the elevator touched down I noticed a group of people off in the distance that seemed to be waiting for us. I focused my eyes and tried to ignore the geometric shapes that were being formed every few seconds. It was a group of my college friends. My friend Lauren was the first in the group to spot us and yelled at the top of her lungs,
"Christopher!" <--(Tex) Her legs shot her towards us leaving a cloud of red dust in her wake. The rest of her group quickly covered their noses in response to this. She collided with Tex and gave him a hug, soon the rest of the group sauntered over as well.

After everyone said their hello's and greetings and everyone had properly made fun of me for snorting the dust, we weren't sure where to go. Tex's face light up with an idea(as it often does).
"Hey, we should go to the orgy side of the planet!" Everyone agreed it was better than just standing here. So we all headed out towards a group of trees that I hadn't noticed before. After a few minutes of walking it was clear that I was bringing up the rear of the group due to the fact that walking in a straight line was near impossible for me. I was excited to see this other side of the planet but I was slowly losing the group. I called out to Tex to hold up for a moment but he never responded and the group kept moving. I wasn't going to be left out of this trip, not because Tex didn't feel like waiting a few seconds! The group had stopped under the first grouping of trees where there was a convenient picnic table. I caught up with the group and ran to the front in an interesting round about fashion. I got in front of Tex and caught my breath for a moment before speaking.
"Hey Tex, can you wait for a few seconds! It is hard for me to keep up with the group!" Tex sighed and then said,
"Look maybe you should just sit this one out by this picnic table Sam." I stood on top of the picnic table and pointed threateningly towards Tex.
"You aren't cutting me out of this trip Tex! I will see the orgy side of this planet!" Tex gets a familiar look in his face from when we encountered the aliens. He cracked his neck and got up on the picnic table with me.
"YOU WANNA GO?!"

A Black Train Cometh

Preface: In light of a certain film that moved mountains in the box office, I have decided to share a dream I had a few years ago.

Dream: I am standing at the edge of a gravel driveway looking out on a mountain road. I am a younger lad, at a guess I would say I am 10. It is autumn and the ground and sky are separated by orange, brown, and red leaves. I look down the mountain road as it spirals away from my vision. The sound of shoes scrunching the gravel together can be heard behind me. I turn to see my parents in a youthful and excited state. They are carrying a piece of luggage each.
"Are you excited Sam? Today is finally the day!" I am uncertain of what they mean but I don't say anything. I turn back to the winding road and look for answers. I feel their hands rest on my shoulders as I search the wilderness before me for clues as to what they mean. My mother kneels down and stares me in the face.
"Your sister is so jealous Sam, please be nice to her about all this."
"Ok?" This was all I could think to say. The ground begins to shake, my mother smiles and stands back up looking eagerly towards the bottom of the road. I am terrified as I see the tiny rocks of my driveway start to shiver away from each other. Soon the sound of a train engine ripped through the autumn air.
I quickly look to the bottom of the visible road to see the source of the noise. A black train begins climbing and ripping through the spiraled black-top road. I grip my parents' pants and tremble before the roar of the train. My parents look down at me giggling and patting the top of my head as if I am some scared dog. The train rips alongside my drive and stops, smoke billows profusely from a metallic black tube atop the train. I feel a shove from two different hands and I begin to stumble towards the train with luggage in hand. My legs seem to have orders to get me aboard that train, despite my mind wishing to remain on the gravel driveway. The train was much nicer once inside, wooden floor hallway with nice roomy seating cabins with other kids like me aboard. I find a cabin with two girls and a boy sitting but room for a fourth. They wave me in,
"You look dreadful, are you ok?" said one of the two girls. I put my luggage on top of the racks provided in the cabin.
"Well my parents sort of forced me on this train..." I was swiftly interrupted,
"You nervous? Don't worry you're not the first or the last person to be nervous to attend Hogwarts."

"Holy Crap!" I screamed in my head.
"I'm going to f#@!ing Hogwarts!" I sat down with the three kids and began to ask loads of questions. Time seemed to gallop away from me because before I was done overloading the fellow classmates with questions the train had stopped again. More kids rushed out of their cabins and shoved their way out of the train. Things seemed to get away from me everyone knew what they were doing and I was at a loss(to say the least). I manage to follow the crowd of children to the great hall for the beginning of the school year feast. I am sorted into the Ravenclaw house and begin chatting with other people at that table. Two fellow Ravenclaws pull me into a jaunty discussion about why a raven is like a writing desk. The discussion and jokes distracted me from where the other students got sorted. Soon I found myself walking to the house portrait after the feast and getting myself acquainted with my sleeping arrangements.

The next day I blindly traversed the halls. My head two inches away from my schedule trying to make sure I was attending the correct classes. The first day consisted of teacher introductions, class overviews, and an essay about "What was magical about my summer?" I wasn't making friends particularly fast so I stuck to my studies, mostly transfiguration. A few weeks seemed to fly by and I had made excellent progress with school work and made a friend named Lisa Stemington. I was getting all sorts of positive attention in Transfiguration, Mrs. Mcgonagall was particularly impressed with my ability to conjure a mirror after a transfiguration to check my own work. Though I was getting wrecked by Herbology. Mrs. Sprout was a bore and the plants in her class were lame and uninteresting. Because of my lack of social life and excellent work ethic I found myself spending many nights alone in the lounge with not much to do. So I decided to try out for the Quidditch team.

The tryouts were not as crowded as I expected. I guess Ravenclaw doesn't have a lot of people with a huge desire to play Quidditch or maybe they are just smart enough to know they want to avoid having a broken body. Before it was my turn on the pitch I flew around on my broom to get a feel for it. The steering and acceleration seemed easy enough so I sat next to Lisa and chatted while I waited for my turn. She complained to me that Thomas kept cheating off her in potions. I tried to explain to her that he was a nice guy and she should share her concerns with him. She was too shy to talk to him about it and so at the end of the conversation I rolled my eyes like I often did with Lisa and headed off to the pitch. I decided to try out for keeper, and I met with a certain amount of success. I blocked most of the shots that came my way but lets face it I'm no “wiz” at Quidditch.

I spent the next few weeks awaiting the results of the tryouts and figuring out a way to make Herbology not suck the life out of me. After talking to Thomas about Lisa we became closer friends, which was nice because a change from Lisa's "jibber-jabber" was greatly needed. As Thomas and I walked to the great hall for lunch discussing how to use dust as get-away grenades we saw a mass of people swarming a bulletin. Surely enough it was Quidditch team postings, I had Thomas shove his way to discover the good or bad news. With a grin on his face he informed me that I would be Ravenclaw's new keeper. I ran to find Lisa and told her of the great news. She jumped up and down like the gitty girl she sometimes can be. I grab a bench and relax my eyes in success. Though as soon as I do I begin to feel the warmth of the great hall leave me and and freezing water pelt my face. My legs are wrapped around a wooden stick and I hear a stadium of voices.

I open my eyes to find myself in the middle of a Quidditch match. I am terrified, I can see tiny people off in the distance swirling around on their broomsticks while lightening lights the stadium periodically. I decide to focus on the offense of the other team. Two lads in red uniforms toss the quaffle once or twice to avoid the remaining defender and then zoom towards me. They toss the quaffle for the high hoop I ascend to try and prevent them from scoring. As I am within arms reach of the oddly shaped wooden sphere lightening strikes the quaffle and it shatters. I suddenly feel sharp warm pains all over my body, I blackout.

I open my eyes to a white ceiling and many dark figures hovering over my body.
"He looks like a scarecrow now..."
"Don't say things like that, that's how nicknames start!"
The largest figure says,
"Let's just put the poor bloke out of his misery." All the figures begin to raise their wands and my weak eyes could just barely make out a green hue at the tip of each of their wands.

The Show

Dream: Cold wind glides across my cheeks. I open my eyes to Grand Central station terminal. People draped in heavy coats and festive colors bustle their way towards either end. I feel very playful and decide to mimic random commuters but from the view of a penguin. So I stiffen my arms, cock my head, and twitch my eyes to make myself believe that I am seeing this behavior for the first time. I walk in a jaunty fashion making exaggerated waddles alongside the busy city folk. I look them up and down as I walk alongside, some roll their eyes others distance themselves. I get stares as I meander through the main concourse and towards one of the street level exits. As I begin to walk down this damp ramp toward the streets I see a figure at the bottom accompanied by two others. It is a young woman and she is waving at me. As I get closer I see that it is an old friend of mine, Anya. She is accompanied by my friend Christiaan and Clay Aiken.

I bring my body to it's taller original state and adjust my coat and break out in a brisk walk to meet them. I embrace Anya,
"Goodness it has been a long time!" She looks up at me and says,
"I knoooww! It is great that we can come together for this play!" I am then reminded why I am in New York City.
"Oh yes the play! It should be fun to do." I look over at Christiaan,
"I didn't know you were in this Christiaan." He smiles and says,
"It was either this or work at the DMV." We both nodded in agreement on his choice. Clay Aiken soon after stepped in and introduced himself.
"Very nice to meet you Sam, Anya has said some nice things about you."
"Oh good, then I can tell you all the bad things." I'm not quite sure why I said this. I have no qualms with Clay Aiken. We stood there in silence for a moment until Anya was kind enough to break it,
"We should head over to the work space for the rehearsal." Everyone agreed and we began our walk away from Grand Central.

The city was very festive today. People wrapped in colorful clothing, wreaths on doors, and red bows over entrances. As we walked I noticed that it was snowing but it seemed to be the perfect amount. Not enough snow to hinder traffic or turn walkways into rough terrain but certainly enough to be noticed. You could hear It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year over the buzz of other New Yorkers. I was in much better spirits than expected, but it was easy to see why. We soon had gotten ourselves to Time Square. We eased our way past masses of tourists into the center of it all. The song began to fade and Anya turned to the rest of us.
"Let's take that one from the top." Christiaan turned and pointed to the towering video display.
"Hit it!"
Music erupts and a large group of tourists and ourselves cluster into a formation and begin dancing in the middle of Times Square.

High kicks, glistening smiles, jazz hands and all we were it tearing up! We would leap over hoods of cars during the chorus. Everything seemed shinier whether it was a bench or a crosswalk. Everyone walking in Time Square stopped and watched like it was the Thanksgiving Day parade or something. At the end of the song we all froze in "casual" positions using a piece of the environment around us. For example, leaning on a lamp post or sitting on the sidewalk. Then as if a switch was flipped pedestrians continued on their own ways. We all broke pose and took a breath while Christiaan turned to face us all.
"We are still really sloppy on the pivot turn! You think this is a f@#*ing joke?" We all bowed our heads in shame and continued on our way to the work space. I stared at the sidewalk for the rest of the journey reflecting on the pivot turn and trying to figure out how to make it cleaner. We arrived at a large warehouse with big double doors that were wide open. Inside waited a fairly blank interior design and a women probably in her 50's.
"Glad you could all make it, it is really wonderful to see you all again." As the group stood in front of this commanding woman her eyes browsed trough us looking for familiar faces. They landed on Clay first,
"Wonderful to see you back here Mr. Aiken I missed your smile over the summer!" His face contorted his lips into the likable semicircle that the woman had missed for so long and she began to giggle with glee. She soon after found Christiaan in the crowd and overflowed.
"OHHH my goodness! Christiaan how are you dear? It is wonderful to see you again. We will desperately need you for this show! Well you and your words! If my husband could say words half as well as you can I would have him read me the most boring section of consumer reports and I would feel completely entertained!"
Christiaan slowly nodded his head in her direction and I laughed quietly to myself. The woman glared at me quickly and then resumed her command.
"Today I want us to work mostly on the bear ice-skating scene."

Interactive Advertisement

Preface: I have found it incredibly hard to meet my Tuesday deadline. I find with each new entry I want to take more time to edit my crappy writing. So I will still put out a dream a week(provided I have one to share). Though the entry may not necessarily be on Tuesday it will definitely be sometime during the week. I hope you enjoy this new entry.

Dream: I am in an apartment and Don (my old boss) is talking to me. The conversation is very one-sided (as they usually were when I worked for him) so as he talked I looked around the apartment. The place was dimly lit and it seemed to give off this impression that Don had fallen on hard times. There was a couch in the center of the room, random paintings and pictures on the wall, but he did have shiny hard-wood floors and a big screen television not too far from the couch. As I was taking this in Don's words penetrated my concentration and started entering my ears loud and clear.
"...since she left me I've been staying in my old apartment until I figure out what to do. But I need someone to watch it tonight because I have business to attend to. Watch the tv or whatever you want and I'll be back in the morning, thanks a bunch Sam."

I rolled my eyes at the thought of helping this man but I figured it was only for a night. As soon as he left I got my phone and called a bunch of my friends over to hang out and enjoy his humongous television. I paced the room waiting impatiently for my company to arrive. I entered the kitchen to raid his fridge and found nothing of interest. The contents of his fridge consisted of pre-packaged ham, molded rolls, and of course an Arm & Hammer box in the far reaches of the fridge to keep things "fresh."
“Surprised Don doesn’t have a fungal infection or a parasite.” I slammed the fridge door and exited the kitchen with a plan. I dialed up some pizza and sat back down on the couch pleased with my choice of action. But before my butt cheeks could fully sink into the stuffed cushions there was a knock at the door.

I opened the door without a thought or care of who it was on the other side. After a twist of the knob a large group of men in suits filed into the apartment. They shuffled around the room until they were segregated into two groups each lined up in a firing squad fashion. They stood quietly with briefcases in each of their hands held horizontally in front of their crotches as if they were about to break out into a tap dance routine. Now being able to take a closer look because they were still, I realized one major difference between the two groups of men. One group of men were all white with slicked back hair. The other group were all Native Americans with braided hair.
"What are you doing here?" It seemed the obvious question. The Native Americans in suits quickly chimed in.
"We have come to help you realize...(he looks down at a sheet of paper briefly)...Don, that you are paying too much for health insurance!"
"Well I'm not D..." I was cut off by the white guys.
"So we have come along as well to show how great our insurance is and why you should stay with it." My friends would be arriving soon and I just wanted them out.
"Ok, how much do I currently pay for health insurance?"
"$1,000 a month."
"WHAT!? 1,000 dollars a month?"
"It's good coverage."
"Is there anything that it doesn't cover?" I said this sarcastically but was soon glad I asked.
"Covers everything except acts of God."
"So it covers almost nothing..." I muttered to myself. I turned to the Native Americans and gestured for them to pitch me their stuff.
"On our plan you would pay a reasonable fee of $200." The white men were quick to intervene.
"Ya but tell em about your holiday thing!" I was suspicious so I turned back to the Native Americans.
"Well every Native American holiday you have to pay another premium of $2,000." But there was one thing that I still didn't know.
"How many Native American holidays are there in a year?"
"Like two," said one of the Native Americans quickly. I do the math in my head and tell the white guys that I would be switching. The white business men began to whimper and glumly exchange papers with the Native Americans. Soon after they began to file out of the room. But with the white men leading the way they were leaving considerably slower compared to the speed of their entrance. As the line of business men waddled towards the door I pulled one of the Native Americans aside and asked,
"Why do you charge such a price on the holidays?" The man smiled and said,
"Peace pipes don't pass themselves." I smiled and nodded because at least he was being honest with me.

I watched as the last of the business men closed the door behind them. No sooner after the door clicked in place it reopened again with my friends and the pizza guy bursting through the entryway. They were all smiles and full of energy. They all looked at me and said,
"Sorry were late, what have you been doing this whole time?"
"Well I don't know why you are so interested Pizza Guy and friends but I just saved a bunch of money on my health insurance by letting Native Americans take care of it." They all gave me silent stares. I was hoping for anything to break the silence. The pizza guy quickly gave his opinion.
“You know they charge you tons of money on their stupid holidays right?” I rolled my eyes and decided to change topics.
"I'm hungry!" Which began a frenzy for the pizza slices. When things quieted down we all sat on couches and watched television.

An hour or so went by and everyone was agreeing it was time to go, so people began to gather their things. As everyone was collecting themselves Don walked through the door. The room was treated to another silence. Don took in the massive amount of people, the messed up apartment, and all the fixings that went with it. He looked down at his hardwood floors and noticed lots of black scuff marks. I was just noticing them myself. It looked like two gangs with really expensive shoes had fought in this living room. Don eventually looked up at me. So before he could say anything,
"I know what you're thinking but before you say anything I have good news..."

A Worthy Friendship

Preface: Before reading the account of this dream I would like to say a few things up front. I did not take any medication/drugs before having this dream nor do I promote the use of such things to provoke dreams like this. It is also hard to give the same feel of some dreams through text alone, so if some are not as entertaining or you don't think the written account did it justice talk to me and I will tell you the story orally. Otherwise if you have any comments or questions about the dream please leave them in the comment section and I'll respond as soon as I can. Expect new posts on this blog every Tuesday. (My apologies for this late post.)

Dream: I am back at college in Currier Hall on the second floor. I remember that I move into my new room today. I begin to gambol down the hall towards the end of it. I am quite nervous because I am rooming with Emma a friend of mine. As the end of the hall gets close I turn into an open doorway. Inside I see wooden bed posts and desks. On top of these pieces of furniture are a bunch of smiling laughing people. The eldest man is wielding an acoustic guitar. Amongst them I notice Emma I go in for a hug. The other people in the room "awww" in unison. Emma looks up at me smiling and says,
"I have to get a few more things I'll be right back. Why don't you get to know my family?" Her hands gesturing to the surrounding people. She skips out of the room and I turn to look at the family hanging over me like vultures.

"Hi!" My weak attempt at communication.
"We think it is just grand that you are rooming with Emma this year." I turn my focus to the presumed father with the guitar.
"Agreed it should be a very fun year."
"Do you mind if we ask you a question Sam?"
"Not at all sir, ask away."
He clears his throat apparently it is a very important question.
"Have you heard the good news?" I cock my head to one side unsure of how to answer.
"Which good news? There is a lot of it going around these days." I finish this sentence with a giggle but everyone in the room seems very serious.
"The good news of our Lord and Savior!" I return my head to normal position slightly relieved.
"Ohhhhhhh ok, ya I've heard it. It's good stuff, I am a major fan."
The family looks around at each other, probably because of my odd choice of vocabulary. I mean when saying you are a Christian who uses the words "stuff" and "fan"?

While they are giving each other looks I decide to give each family member a closer examination. There was a sister and the mother sitting on the bed left of me. Both seemed pleasant with curly brown hair and cheery dispositions. They were swinging their dangling feet back and forth like they were children. The father was a very built man. In fact it is a miracle his forearms didn't crush the guitar as soon as they made contact with it. He had a small head with short hair and was wearing a really tight t-shirt(probably to show off his zeus-like body). Finally the brother who was very tall and skinny. Looked like he was built for swimming. He had ruffled dirty hair and a sinister look( I don't think he likes me).

The father finally spoke,
"Would you mind if we sang you a song about His greatness?" Now I'm all about appreciation and reveling in the moment but I didn't really want to listen to a home cooked christian song at the moment. I think it was mostly because of this vibe I was getting from the family.
"That's ok I should really start getting my stuff up here." I thought this to be a perfectly good excuse as to why I couldn't stay for their little diddy. So I turned for the door but I didn't sprint and instead a brisk walk, I felt that sprinting would send the wrong message. Before I could exit the room the door shut by itself. I turned back to the family,
"Whoa did you see that?" The father with a stern tone said,
"You will stay and listen!" I suddenly began to understand the situation. The brother got off from his perch on the desk and grabbed me. He threw me on the other bed in the room. While recovering from my landing on the bed I noticed that the bed was apparently equipped with chain and shackles. Which the brother proceeded to lock me in.
"Look I didn't mean to offend you or anything I'm sure your song is lovely. I just don't think that these "precautions" are warranted!" Then the father looked me in the eyes and smiled and said the worst response I could have imagined,
"You mean SONGS!"...There was more than one...

At first it wasn't so bad because the father was a good musician and the family for the most part stayed in-tune. But it was a gauntlet of music! The family decided to play me their greatest hits and more! It was like one of those 5 CD set commercials you see at 4 in the morning, with washed up musical celebrities pitching the product. The family regaled me with great titles such as "He is my Lord Down and Up the Street", "He is My Homeboy", "The Lord is My Wallpaper", "Lantern of My Life", "Long Walks on the Beach With the Lord", "Jesus is Always on the Other Line", "The Holy Ghost Doesn't Scare Me", "He is My Homeboy II", "I Am His Sheep" and many more! Several hours seemed to go by as the strums of the guitar and voices of the family's lungs slashed my face. Breaking loose from the chains seemed futile. I began to wonder where on earth Emma was but as soon as I did she opened the door with luggage in hand.
"Oh my goodness, you guys already started pelting him with your songs come on!" She said this as if her pet dog had just wet her room's carpet. She turned to me and said,
"I'm sorry I'm sure you want to go get your things."
"No he must remain here and hear more good news!" the father insisted.
"Sam, have you head He is My Homeboy?" I replied,
"The sequel as well."
"Then you have listened to more than enough!" She began to undo the chains.
"Nooo!" the father shouted. The brother began to pry Emma from my rescue. Emma had done enough with the chains that I could free myself. I lunged forward and throttled the brother and made him hit the floor.
I turned to Emma,
"Lets get out of here!" We made a break for the door. An acoustic guitar missed me and smashed against the doorway. Her father's voice trailing behind us shouting,
"Stop them!"
The sister and mother followed us out into the hallway. Emma looked behind us and with opiate eyes said,
"Ohh no, not the tentacles!" The two females conjured tentacles from the sides of their bodies that began squirming down the hallway at an alarming rate. As we ran Emma and I both looked out a window to see it was pouring rain. She grabbed a parasol that was leaning against a room door. She took my hand and yelled,
"Jump with me!" We veered towards a window and pierced through it with the parasol. We plunged into an ocean that was once a college campus. After we surfaced we squirmed and swam around until we saw a small boat by a tree. It was tied up as if it was waiting for us. We climbed in and emptied it of as much rain water as we could and then opened the parasol for cover. We loosed the line from the tree and began to drift away from Currier hall. We looked back to see tentacles waver and wane with stormy winds as they felt around the outside of the window searching for us.

We both regained our breath and stared at each other for a moment. We hugged each other in relief and looked out upon the vast ocean around us. I sat drenched in rain and tears of joy (mostly rain). So I decided to ask the question that seemed the most obvious and important.
"Where do we go now?" Emma looked at me and giggled.
"Block Island of course!"

Double Agent

Preface: Before reading the account of this dream I would like to say a few things up front. I did not take any medication/drugs before having this dream nor do I promote the use of such things to provoke dreams like this. It is also hard to give the same feel of some dreams through text alone, so if some are not as entertaining or you don't think the written account did it justice talk to me and I will tell you the story orally. Otherwise if you have any comments or questions about the dream please leave them in the comment section and I'll respond as soon as I can. Expect new posts on this blog every Tuesday. (My apologies for this late post.)

Dream: I am in my old high-school setting up lights and sound for a production. After fiddling with knobs, sound levels, and buttons I decide to head towards the edge of the balcony and I look below. I see the stage bustling with stage hands moving furniture, cardboard, spotlights, and wires to different places. "All the cues seem to be written and finished Sam, good work. Head down to the stage and we'll do notes." I turn my head and see an approving face wave good-bye as they leave the sound booth. I decide it is time for me to leave as well. I push through the heavy double doors that lead out to the hallway. As I walk to the staircase I admire the checkered floor and the blue lockers that I remember so well. The daylight blinds me as I walk past one of the many large windows at my school. The ground floor hallway is pristine and empty. I tell myself I must be working on a summer production.

As I enter the theater everyone is working on a prop item or a piece of the set. I decide to look at pictures of past shows on the back wall while I wait for everyone to finish. Most of the pictures are a little bit more blurry than I remember but I can still make out the basic scenes that were captured. As I pace the back wall I hear a whisper from the ground. I look by my feet and I find a small grate on the wall by the floor. I kneel down to see what is in the grate. I am greeted by a sickly looking creature. A man's head was on the other side of the grate. Though I could not be sure if this person was entirely human. This man had slicked back pale blond hair with pale tight skin to match. But the eyes were the most concerning. His eyes were almost the size of a peach. Though the shape of his eyes were more like the pit of one. The actual eyes themselves reminded me of a crocodile's. Then a thin and tired but aggressive voice began.
"Please you must help us, they keep us locked down here!" I peered behind the sickly man and saw many others like him moving molten matter and turning cogs of a large apparatus to what end I wasn't sure. I looked back at him and asked,
"Who keeps you locked down here?"
"We've been at war with the mountain men and they have locked us away in here forcing us to do their bidding."
"Look I know this school, and I have never seen any mountain men."
"You haven't seen anything like us either I bet."
I paused and I had nothing to argue with because he was right. He soon after continued,
"There are more things here then you know boy! They hide themselves in plain sight to go unnoticed."
"Well then how am I supposed to help you?"
"If you are going to help us you will need to see like us, hold still." Large pale hands erupted from the grate and clenched either sides of my head. The man's pupils began to widen and before I could get his hands off a sharp pain filled my skull. I fell and cringed on the floor until the pain faded away.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see my world in a tint of blood red. One of the stage hands had come to see if I was alright. I got up and dusted myself off while trying to not look completely freaked out. Though the red was an awful way to view the world I could see inside the stage hand's body. The human body is a horrifying thing to see at work. Different odd shaped blobs constantly pushing and pulling liquids in all sorts of directions. The stage hand soon looked down at his shirt,
"Did I spill some ketchup or something?"
"No you're fine, I need to go back stage, I'll see you later." I walked down the center aisle of the theater. As I walked towards the stage I checked the people I passed to make sure they weren't something else. Everyone checked out except for the piano player, who was being operated by a small nymph-like creature inside him with a series of levers. I decided that could wait and I took one of the side stage entrances. Despite the darkness of the side entrance I could navigate the hallway with ease because of my new vision. I saw a stage hand carrying lumber down steps and realized he was another of the pale skinned creatures that I saw in the grate. He looked me up and down, winked and went on his way.

I searched behind the set, on stage, and the music room that was attached but found nothing. I decided to go outside and get some air. The door flew upon with the slightest effort by my hand and the sunlight punched my eyes in the face! I stumbled down the steps leading to the parking lot. I breathed heavily as I stared at the road because I refused to subject my eyes to another helping. As my eyes slowly adjusted to the piercing light the ground began to shake. Suddenly I was encompassed by shade and I heard a rocky baritone from high above me.
"Good afternoon Sam, do you have anything to report about the Slizinies?"
I slowly looked up to see a towering Goliath peering down at me.
"Uhhh, excuse me?"
"Did you find no new information? Sam, we don't have time for games! They are creating some great weapon that will destroy our race as we know it! We don't want to destroy your entire high-school but we'll do whatever it takes to find them."
I looked up at the the school and saw another Goliath shredding through the roof as if it was gingerbread cookie. He turned his head saw me and jumped from the roof. His landing resulted in major rips in the parking lot. This other Goliath swooped his head downward, inches away from my face and asked me,
"Sam, what happened to you?"

Down the Virginian Rabbit Hole

Preface: Before reading the account of this dream I would like to say a few things up front. I did not take any medication/drugs before having this dream nor do I promote the use of such things to provoke dreams like this. It is also hard to give the same feel of some dreams through text alone, so if some are not as entertaining or you don't think the written account did it justice talk to me and I will tell you the story orally (for those of you who are giggling because I typed "orally" all I can say is *wink*). Otherwise if you have any comments or questions about the dream please leave them in the comment section and I'll respond as soon as I can.

I'm in a nice looking diner with a black and white checkered floor. I'm sitting at a small round table with a cup of hot liquid, judging by the style and size of the mug I think I got a coffee or an espresso. A tall man with slicked back hair and thick glasses walks into the diner and approaches me as soon as he enters. He looks me up and down and says,
"You should marry my daughter!" I was flabbergasted at the suggestion. He beckons me with his left hand and leads me outside the diner to talk with me. While walking away from the diner I was surprised to see the exterior of the diner was more like a castle. The pathway I walked upon was cobblestone and the stone walls had ivy crawling up the majority of it. The tall man began again,
"My daughter is a young Ethiopian and she loves well-to-do white men." At this point I woke up because of a loud noise in my room, but returned to sleep almost instantly.

I found myself back in the diner at a similar table. Shortly after enjoying a sip of whatever I was drinking this time some person that I hadn't seen before ran up to me and shouted,
"Get into the cave quick!" I had no idea what this person was talking about but as I mulled it over I noticed the diner was collapsing all around me. The floor began to crumble near my table so I looked around for something and sure enough a section of the diner was a cave. I sprinted towards the cave and dove in.

The cave turned out to be more of a pit in the beginning because I found myself falling indefinitely. As I watched the rounded walls of the pit fly by me a voice below me shouted,
"Watch out for Lancelot!" I looked up to see a knight in full armor falling head first down the pit. He had his sword drawn and was hacking away at any and all bramble stuck along the sides of the pit walls.

When I landed I was on a large rock platform. I found that I was in the company of a few others. The few that had escaped the diner via the cave included a waitress, the manager, Lancelot, and myself. We began to travel further into the cave hopping from platform to platform because these platforms were surrounded by a sea of lava. Our exploring brought us to a fork in the cave. The waitress looked at us and said,
"I'm not sure which way will take us to the young Ethiopian woman." I freaked out but slowly turned towards her and asked,
"Does she really like well-to-do white men?" The whole group stared at me with awe and wonder in their eyes. The waitress exclaimed,
"You are the profit that has been foretold! Lead the way!" So I guide the group to the best of my ability. We eventually come to a small chamber within the cave with a large pool of lava inside. As we approached it a large beast began to rise from the lava. Everyone in the party excluding myself screamed,
"Oh No! It's the Maitre D'!" The beast wore glasses and wielded a large pen and a clipboard which I could only assume had menacing reservations on it. Lancelot began to draw his sword and the waitress pulled out a rolling pin smacks it in the palm of her hand threateningly. I blinked and before I can realize what happened the waitress and Lancelot had slain the beast.

As everyone was gathering themselves after the excitement I found a small path that went further into the cave. The path lead to small room with a tiny platform in the center of it. Sitting cross legged on the platform was a small Ethiopian girl in chains. As we entered the room she opened her eyes and said,
"You have found me at last, so I can finally escape this slavery." We free her from the chains and she runs to a certain rock in the wall. With the might of a titan she removed the rock from the wall and we saw before us an exit from the cave. We all crawl through the space and we found that we were in colonial Virginia! We decided to forge a town for ourselves.

Over the next few days the Ethiopian girl, Lancelot, the waitress, the manager, and myself raised houses and made a large town...I wake up.